Monday, December 22, 2014

Confessions of a Grieving Widow

I haven't written about the death of my sweet husband.  My heart has been heavy in that area since 9:00 am on December 23, 2008.
The 22nd had been a busy time. Children coming in and out of the house to visit with their dad because we all knew that time for him was getting shorter by the day.
I had cleansed his wounds, and tucked him in, then I had lain down on the sofa next to him to rest.  I apparently fell fast asleep, because I was awakened by my son and his wife as they prepared breakfast in the kitchen.  I sat up and immediately noticed that Ned wasn't breathing right.  I ran over to the side of the bed, and saw his oxygen had slipped off.  I quickly put it back on, but he wasn't responsive to my touch or to my calling his name.  I could tell he was in a Cheyne-Stokes breathing pattern.  I called to my children and then reached for my phone to call the Hospice team that he was dying.  While I was on the phone, he took his last breath with my son holding his hand and trying to coax him back to us.  I was not by his side.  These events have bothered me so much.  I fell asleep and didn't catch his oxygen mask had come off... I was calling the nurses and wasn't by his side when he passed to the other side.  From there, every thing then moved on without me.  I hope he knows that my heart was heavy and so sad, because I really didn't want him to go, and I was so sorry I was not holding his hand when he left this world.  I pray that he does know.  I look forward to seeing him again some day.  He is a special part of me and will be forever.
My forever sweetheart

Now I have let this piece of my guilt at having let him down out, I hope you all understand.   

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Christmas Past er Photos Blue Raspberry Sunday prompt

Aine urged us to go through our photos for the last 10 years and create a post using the photos for the past 10 years.
I am in a world of hurt.  When my children left home, I sent the bulk of pictures of them with them.  After that along came digital cameras (love them) BUT I had saved all my pictures, organized beautifully, on my external hard drive so I would not lose any... Guess what, computer is fine... external is in the shop, with prayers.
Since my picture capacity is low, I (this is with a wink) decided to have a historical reenactment of Christmas's past.  Last year (repeat "last year") I purchased some awesome Christmas fabric with the goal in mind to make pillow cases for all my grandchildren for the following Christmas. Do you think I actually followed through with that?  You are right... I did not.  So on Thursday (3 days ago) I got my fabric out, and began my marathon to finish my pillowcases in time to mail them with in 3 days. I have finish 5 of 25.  When my children were little it was always the last 3 days before Christmas and half the time I worked all night to finish what I was working on. The dad was always putting something together.
This is part of my project still in progress.
The boys' fabric for their pillow cut and ready to sew.

This is the finished project ready for California

There are five. There are 4 girls and one on the way.
I am thinking of telling the mom, I am going to join the red hat society and the one who chooses the Red one I will add with me. ;-)
The pillow cases folded out.
I have blogged about Christmas on both this blog and my genealogy blog.  Here are the links if you would like to see the pictures and read about the fun and memories with pictures.

The most memorable Christmas was when my daughter and son in law played Santa at a time her dad and I were in financial straights and were very depressed.
We went to bed having done the best we could and were very surprised when we woke up the next morning to a Santa visit that was not known.  They had snuck in the back door, we never locked it, and had put presents under the tree that delighted the younger siblings.  Years later my son in law played Santa again to our family.  He drove through snow storms, sleet, and winds to deliver my daughter and 7 wonderful grandchildren to a hard hit family on December 23rd 2008, just hours after her father died.  He had tried to wait for his present, the Lord was in a hurry for him.  

I miss my Santa baby... He was so much fun at Christmas.  Of course, when he made everyone wait to open presents until he had read the Christmas Story from St. Luke, he wasn't held in high regard by the little ones.  He loved everything about Christmas, it was his favorite time of the year. 

Sunday, December 7, 2014

God Given Talent

Aine at Blue Raspberry Sunday  gave the prompt writing about a talent that you or an ancestor had. 
Since I am trying to write my stories for my family about me, it will be a talent I have. 
A talent I have been blessed with would be called God given.  I did nothing to develop it, it is just me.
I was blessed with the talent of looking outward and caring for others.  Looking back one incident that stands out to me, probably not the first time I had done, but a memorable experience; was when my mother caught the hillside on fire.
We live halfway up a sizable hill, not a mountain, but definitely could wind you if you walked up it.  (Side note:  Rocky Mountain states say Oklahoma mountains are hills. J)  In the 1950s, people burned their trash in the country.  My dad, to be safe, had a 50 gallon barrel with a mesh wire top to keep the fire contained.  This day, my mom had lifted the lid to add some paper to what she was already burning and the wind caught something loose in the barrel and blew it out onto the dry grass.  She was horrified as the small spark on the grass exploded into a line of fire that quickly began to spread, she used the towel to try and smother the flames, but it was spreading too fast. We did not have a phone, but our neighbor about a mile or so down the hill did.  The only solution to her was to run down and call the fire department.  She told me to stay at the house and she would be right back.  Well, now you will see what my talent was not… obedience. Just after she was out of site, I saw the fire headed toward the barn… Our cows, chickens, and pig were in that barn, so without one single hesitation, I ran to the barn with my dog, and opened all the pens so the animals would get burned.  I was not scared for myself, although many years later, my mom told me her regret was she had not taken me with her because the fire was near our butane tank.  Of course she might not have gotten help in time had she not done what she had.
Me and my trusty dog in front of the house.

After letting the animals loose, I went to the end of the driveway, waited and cried.  A kind black man, never knew his name, pulled up and knelt down and comforted me saying my daddy would be there soon. He was right; my daddy did come soon, with a whole lot of other men with burlap feed bags, hoes, and shovels. 
 After they took off down the pasture to help the firemen to stop the flames.  I went into action.  I got my red wagon, and started the job of carrying water down to the men.  I always worried about my daddy since he had lost his leg, and I became his feet while he was healing.  Soon, the flames were stopped before any homes were burned, and all the men were okay in spite of the heat and hard work. I am sure I slept soundly that night tucked in by my thankful parents.

This trait of thinking of others first has always just been a part of me, so I guess it was meant for me to help those that I can.

Share or write your own talent story… Leave me a link about it. I would love to read your story.